Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
