I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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