Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
