Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize