You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
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you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
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Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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