things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
