did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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