Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
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He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
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I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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