every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
