I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
