and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
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I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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