We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.