And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
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i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
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I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.