you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
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I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
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We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.