Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
