So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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