She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
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theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
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He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop