I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time