We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome