i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
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You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
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We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do