she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen