Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
