i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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