Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
home. puking in laundry basket.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Randomize
