another moral hangover. fuck.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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