At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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