it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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