maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
