Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
