she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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