The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
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I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.