Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise