i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
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My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
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My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?