I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.