guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize