a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I queefed so loud it echoed.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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