after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
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Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
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I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left