I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem