but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
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Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
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I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."