Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.