i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
