i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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