he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
