Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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