Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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