i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
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I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
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All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.