i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.