Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes