can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
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I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
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Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.