he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
