My sheets look like a crime scene.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
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I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
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My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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