I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
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i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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