WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize