The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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