I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?