so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!