Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
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Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
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So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.