Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap