you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.