We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
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I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
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Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that