Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Hi, my name's audrey!
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME