did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch