i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
