i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
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WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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