fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
