its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
