Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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