you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
