are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
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Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
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I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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