I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
