there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
