I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
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