hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Duck Duck Cougar?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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