I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
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the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
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When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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